Last week we completed a daft Facebook questionnaire where I had to ask Tom, my fiancé and partner of nine years, to answer a series of questions about me as honestly as possible. One of them was “Could you live without me?” which he answered with a cheeky but confident “Yes”. I joked that he might only survive sans moi if he moved back in with his Mother (100% fact) but if I was asked the same question the answer would probably be “almost certainly not”. Sure, I would give it a good go, but life would never be as happy, as loving or as supported as it is right now, plus we’d be totally buggered if anything broke.
On Sunday evening I reminded Tom that he needed to pick something up after work the next day and he gave me a look of disdain, angrily exclaiming: “You must think I’m stupid!!”. Now I’m super forgetful so would need reminding, and although I made the mistake of judging him by my own poor standards I had no idea he would be so offended. The next morning, while I was out on a horrible dark, rainy run, I mulled over our conversation and found it concerning that he could think I might ever question his intelligence. That’s when it hit me: He doesn’t know how truly special he is to me.
We are getting married next May and I can’t wait. Not just for the celebrations and frivolity, but I absolutely cannot wait to be Tom’s Wife. I couldn’t give a shiny shit if that makes me sound needy or old fashioned, it’s just how it is. We’re just going to be saying the standard civil ceremony vows, nothing religious, nothing personal and nothing lengthy. If I had the guts to write my own vows they would probably be something along these lines…
‘Tom. My Tom. You are my source comfort, my cheerleader and my confidant. With two globe trotting sisters and a set of ‘parents’ who don’t deserve the respect which that title demands, there are many times you are my Absolute Everything and I know that can’t be an easy role to undertake. You make me laugh and you make an effort, despite my ever-shortening temper and impatient whims. Together we have made two amazing little human beings and you’re simply the best Dad our girls could ever have hoped for.
Despite not really feeling like anything special myself, you – and they – make me into someone special, by loving me. Parenthood is bloody hard work – but knowing we’re in it together makes all the challenges worthwhile and I know we will continue to fight and win battles as long as we stand firm, united against the curveballs our two little whirlwinds launch at us.
You’re amazing, you’re funny, you’re unique. You can do anything you set your mind to, and you do it incredibly and infuriatingly well. You manage a virtually impossible balance of laziness and ambition and the fact you can fix our broken washing machine but don’t know how to actually use it is truly intriguing. You’re not only my other half, you’re my better half and I love you. Wholeheartedly. And that’s why it’s such an honour to become your Wife.’
So no, Tom, I do not think you are stupid. Well, except for when you’re driving – then you are quite possibly the dumbest person I have ever met. But, terrible driving aside, when I stand up with you next May and nervously mumble those few standard, scripted lines as quickly and quietly as I possibly can, I hope you’ll know I’m really saying much, much more.