#1 If you don’t like someone’s name, change it
Andrua has way more flair and is definitely more unique than ‘Andrea’. Sorry, Andrea.
#2 Only share when it suits you
Ensure to always test food off Mummy and Daddy’s plates. Always eat food off younger sibling’s high chair tray. Never, ever, under any circumstances, allow anyone to eat any of your food. Ever. What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.
#3 Avoid naps
Fight sleep. At all costs. Even if you can barely keep your eyes open. Do. Not. Give. In. Unless of course you have been on a long car journey and are 5 or less minutes from home. This is the one and only situation where a nap is a superb idea.
#4 If someone or something smells, announce it
The best time to do this is when you are in a public toilet and you have had to queue up. Wait until a cubicle becomes free and when you enter said cubicle, yell “It stinks in here, Mummy!!” before previous cubicle occupant has left the room.
#5 Change your mind
It’s a woman’s prerogative after all. Even if you loved spaghetti last Monday, you don’t have to like it today.
#6 Be bossy
It’s good to know what you want in life. Tell people what you want. Oh, and even though you know all about manners, be sure to make demands without using please or thank you, especially when in public or on important occasions (‘important occasion’: when Mummy has brushed her hair and put clean clothes on)
#7 Give compliments
Mummy loves to hear that she looks beautiful. Especially when she is wearing jeans and a tshirt. It makes her feel special and not at all like she really doesn’t make enough effort 99% of the time.
And spin. Even when there’s no music. Get in everyone’s way, they won’t mind because they would rather stop their shopping to watch you cut some shapes anyway.
#9 Have double standards
It is perfectly acceptable for you to ‘drink’ your orange juice with a spoon and sing loudly along to the radio, but if Mummy or Daddy do anything remotely silly tell them to stop. Immediately.
#10 Move in your own way
If you want to walk backwards, walk backwards. So what if you can’t see where you’re going and you might crack your head open? We’re not here for a long time, we’re here for a good time.