Struggling to decide if parenthood is for you? Fret no more – here is a comprehensive list of 15 reasons why you should take the plunge (so to speak)…
1. You will never again go hungry. In a word – leftovers. Who doesn’t love a half-chewed chicken nugget with dribble dip? (Plus this means you will also gain lots of snuggly, cuddly weight, which will keep you toasty warm, saving you money on your heating bill and rendering you harder to kidnap – see, the positives are mounting up already).
2. You will never again burn your tongue on a hot cup of tea.
3. Christmas becomes a glittering explosion of festive madness. And it starts in September. Ok, I won’t lie, it might creep into August if you have a toddler. Actually this one might be more of a reason NOT to have children…
4. You have a brilliant excuse for your messy house – the kids are obviously having too much fun. Making memories, and all that jazz. Plus you can’t find the hoover – or the will to switch it on.
5. The same applies to wearing grubby clothes – you have excuses galore to adorn your comfiest scruffs on a daily basis. Pass me those leggings. No, no, not that pair, my BEST ones, the ones with only a couple of holes in the crotch.
6. Never again do you have to be concerned with having a massive poo right before someone pops round unannounced for a cuppa and a chat, then smiles as they ask ‘Can I just use your loo?’ on their way out. Blame. The. Baby.
7. They offer a plethora of superb excuses to get out of social gatherings when you’re in one of those ‘I prefer Netflix to people’ kinda moods.
8. You will have baby wipes on hand to remove make up/clean the bathroom/your car dashboard/the floor/pretty much anything. Except your incredibly messy house. Obviously.
9. Disney. Enough said.
10. Slobbing on the sofa in the evening sans-children is just being lazy. Parents slobbing on the sofa are simply ‘unwinding’. I’m sorry but it’s true.
11. You feel like a rock star when they chant ‘Mummy, Mummy, Mummy’ over and over.
12. You develop superhero powers. In the eyes of your child you are strong, brave and incredible. I recently helped my two year old daughter overcome her fear of public toilet hand dryers by letting her hold my leg while it was on. Yep. I’m that good.
13. Nap time. Heaven. And if you have more than one child and manage to secure a simultaneous napping situation, refer to #12 and give yourself a pat on the back – you actually ARE a real-life superhero.
14. For the first time in your life you will have a real appreciation for ‘free time’. Recently Daddy T and I were puzzled by a childless friend of ours opting to stay home on a Friday night. “But he could do ANYTHING!”, we marvelled, “He could even go out to eat – AFTER 7pm!!!”
15. Oh, and you know, overwhelming, all-consuming love, joy, pride and all that other mushy stuff.